Tea Makes Friends With the Disadvantages of Poor
by Paradise2000
Summary: Sight. Tea Makes Friends With the Disadvantages of Poor Sight. The title wouldn't all fit in the box so I had to put some of it in the summary. Heavy-duty Tea-bashing. Very very heavy Tea-bashing. Better summary inside. TEA-BASHING HAVEN.
1. The Start of It All

**Tea Makes Friends With the Disadvantages of Poor Sight** by Paradise2000

Chapters: It's a surprise! I'm not telling you how many chapters there are!

Sort: Hurt, Romance, Humour, Drama

A\N: Hiya! (Sits Yami down on a loveseat for short interview) How much time do you have to spare with us today, Yami?

Yami: (All smiley – author wants to glomp him, but manages to resist the urge – author thinks: so cute! - ) – Just a few minutes to start with, Miss, we'll see how we go.

A\N: Soooo…..One question. Well. One at a time. How old are you?

Yami: (Gives trademark smirk) Ancient for someone who used to be a spirit, but then again, I'm young in some people's eyes. Besides, Yugi says I'm timeless to him! He's sweet.

A\N: (Beams) Yep, that's our Game King for you, Yami – well, the other half so to speak anyway (Yami smirks), always sweet, well, sugar sweet. Tea, welcome onto the A\N stage. Any last words. Please, sit down.

Tea: Ohmigod! Yami-kins! YAMI-KINS! Yami! I love friendship! We will someday be together, Yami, and share the true joy of friendship! Do you want to make friends with the friendly lamp post I met outside, Yami? I made friends with it! Friendship! Friendship! I made friends with the lamp post! Friendship! Do you want to, Yami?

A\N: No, I don't think he does, Tea (forces Tea onto the right-hand side of the three-seater loveseat – Yami is sitting in the middle and the author is sitting on the left – Tea unknowingly has had her bottom stuck to the chair – A\N spread superglue there earlier). Ahem. (smirks) Any last _short_ words?

Tea: (Pupils and irises of eyes are temporarily replaced by disgusting large pink hearts, Tea looks adoringly at Yami) Yeah! I wuv you, Yami! That's all. Yeah! Friendship! (massive sweatdrop appears on Yami's head) I love friendship!

A\N: That's all, folks! Enjoy the show! Come on, Yami, let's go, shall we? Let's leave Tea.

Tea: (struggles to get up from glued-in position of loveseat) Yeah! Friendship! I love friendship! I love friendship! I wuv friendship! I wuv Yami! (manages to get up, tearing massive hole in the seat of her skirt as she does so, leaving the hole accurately where the audience can unfortunately manage to see her slaggy underwear – disgusting string thong) Yeah! Oh, yeah! I wuv you. I wuv you, audience! I wuv Yami!

Summary: Tea is running after Yami one day, when clang! she bashes into a lamp post. Her injury from making friends (literally head-on) with the lamp post leaves one of her nerves behind her eyes slightly swollen – unfortunately for Yami only temporarily - therefore preventing completely clear precise sight for a short time. Follow the misadventures of the slutty Tea as she makes friends with the disadvantages of poor sight! When she has poor sight, I also mean that she is blurry-sighted in love, not just in vision. She is blurry-sighted in seeing that Yami does not want her. TEA-BASHING HAVEN. Slight peppering of Puzzleshipping. There will only be literally a peppering of Puzzleshipping. There will only be basically a very small amount.

* * *

Chapter One: (The Start of It All)

Yami dashed home quickly, trying to lose Tea as she desperately followed him. "Go away, you bitch!" Tea followed him. She was on a skateboard, which did not make the going for her (unfortunately not for Yami) any slower. "Oh! Hey! YAAAMMMIII!" She crashed full head-on (and I mean literally) like a complete goof into a lamp post. "Ooooh!" She fainted dazedly. Yami stopped, eyes like an ostrich, sighed, and then turned back. His eyes widened further when he saw what had happened to Tea. He sighed again. He didn't really like Tea that much at all, but he decided that in this case, he would simply just _have_ to call an ambulance. Tea, meanwhile, was in a dreadful state. One of the wheels (the back left one) had fallen off her skateboard, the strap of her hot-pink sleeveless crop top had completely fallen down, (surprise, surprise) revealing some of her hideous luminous turquoise lacy bra, some of her teeth had fallen out due to the impact with the lamp post and the right-hand heel of her luminous green platform heels had fallen off. She lay there, completely and utterly out of it. Yami stared at her. Tea came round for a few seconds. "Hey, hot stuff!" Yami scowled (and nearly vomited. Yuck!). She passed out again. Soon the ambulance arrived. "You called for an ambulance, mate?" the man holding the stretcher asked Yami. Yami merely nodded. "Yeah. Right then. Stand out of the way, please. Leave this to me." Yami stood back and watched disdainfully as the man and his crew lifted Tea onto the stretcher and carried her into the ambulance. The man gestured to Yami, and Yami decided irritably, that for Tea's sake, he'd have to go too. Stepping in, he sat on the relatively comfortable seat and waited, frowning.

* * *

When they arrived, the man and the ambulance crew (the other members) got Tea out and ran ahead, whilst Yami walked fast behind them in sheer annoyance. He so hated Tea. And oh, oh, he did so not want to be here. He hated hospitals. Suddenly a young man dashed towards him, a stethoscope hanging around his neck, swinging wildly. "Hey, hey, sir, aren't you with this young lady? Miss Gardner, I presume, if I presume correctly?" he said. "Yes, that's right, but how do you know her name?" Yami frowned. The young man fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well, why, I served her last time. Was she wearing a red PVC skirt, ripped at the back, by any chance?" Yami nodded. "Yes. She was chasing me, you see. I escaped. So. She carried on chasing me, logically enough. I suppose that's how she ripped her skirt." "Mmmm." The young man said thoughtfully. "She was taken in here last time for two broken ankles, some unconsciousness, a few one or two lost teeth, minor cuts, broken fingers and hallucination." Yami suddenly stopped walking with him and came to a halt. "Say, how old are you?" "Nineteen." "You don't look it. Are you a trainee student?" Yami frowned. "Dr Daniels, first year as trainee student doctor." Dr Daniels sighed at Yami's straight-faced 'don't mess with me'expression. "Alright. Calm down. I'm not. Okay? I'm twenty-three, going on twenty-four soon. I look young, which is why I deliberately went for and managed to bag the trainee student doctor job. This way it also enables me to get some student pay, which is entitled to all students up to the end of their twentieth year. The staff and people who interviewed me about me getting the job know all this, but they let it slide and keep quiet, pretending I'm the age and student I say I am, because when I came to them I had good grades from my exams. I got some of the highest grades I could get in some of them, so I suppose they decided to stay quiet." "So…so…so it's basically illegal?" Yami stuttered. "You got it," Dr Daniels grinned. Yami chuckled. "You're a smart devil, Dr Daniels." "Thanks," Dr Daniels smiled. "Hey, I suppose you're Yami?" "How do you know?" Yami scowled. Dr Daniels chuckled. "In her delirium, your silly little 'acquaintance', shall we say, Yami, called me the aforesaid and showed me a picture of you once she was recovered. She told me it was you. She seems desperate to be your boyfriend." "That explains it, then. But I'm not interested in her. She's so enthusiastic she might as well carry rabies!" Yami said, looking angry. Dr Daniels chuckled again, unable to control his laughter. "Oh dear. Ah, well. At least you shook her off. Whoops, the stretcher's disappearing!" Due to stopping to talk more freely with Dr Daniels, Yami and him had completely forgotten, that the stretcher, unlike them, was still moving. "Wait there, please," Dr Daniels said, leaving him outside the A&E, Yami sitting down wearily. He followed the ambulance crew through the door, and disappeared. Yami sat with his hands together, resting them against his shins. Waiting was so boring. _Damn._ Ten minutes later. "Errrm…Yami…Yami…Yami!" Dr Daniels said loudly, frowning, sticking his head around the door. "Sorry, I was in a different world," Yami said apologetically, snapping out of a long daze. "You need me?" "Yes, the results." Yami nodded. "Oh!" Heading through the doors to where Yami had been waiting, Dr Daniels came out through there and headed through a door marked 'Consultation' and sat him down. "No injuries to speak of apart from the few missing teeth, Yami, there's just one minor problem. The teeth your 'friend' has lost aren't really anything to worry about." "What?" Yami frowned. "Well, the impact of the supposed crash, I mean, that is to say, of course, collision, caused a slight injury. Not serious." He passed Yami some x-ray scans of Tea's skull, dense as it was. "See that white blob just on the eye muscle?" he asked, pointing at it. Yami nodded. Dr Daniels nodded back. "Well, that means one of the nerves that's behind the eye is swollen. This will therefore provide temporary blurry vision. Not permanent. Should only last a few weeks." "What?!" "There now, Yami, young man, I told you it was nothing serious," Dr Daniels said, looking alarmed. "You have nothing to worry about." Yami frowned. Somehow, just somehow, he wouldn't quite put Tea past that option. Tea was a lot to worry about.

* * *

Scowling, Yami headed out. Tea blurry-sighted. It just meant his life had got a whole lot harder. After paying the bill and deciding to leave Tea to pick up herself, Yami could perfectly surmise, to an extent, that Tea, whenever she chose to disturb him again after this little 'incident', that she was going to be a lot more annoying.

* * *

A\N: The plot doesn't make any sense. Ah well. Who cares? I don't. Next, Yami has to cope with Tea - urgh. Not good. The humour will be coming soon.


	2. Day at the Fairground with Tea

Chapter Two: (Day at the Fairground with Tea)

Trying to stick around with a partially mad Tea was hell. For Yami. That was just it. And, when he said mad, he meant she acted it even more than she did usually (which was quite a lot) because of her temporarily decreased sight after crashing into the lamp post. To keep her amused (and as in as much control as possible), Yami planned to pick her up and take her to the fairground as much he hated her. As they said, if you didn't laugh you'd cry. Going round to Tea's house was weird, when he had bothered to do it before. Tea would scream his name the second he rang the doorbell, and attempt to throw herself on him in a hyperactive hug. Tea would then take him up to her horribly, well, 'Tea-like' room, (or as he preferred to call it, 'Tea-Land'), where she would simper over him pathetically for about half an hour, cordially pouring him expensive herbal tea and passing him a bowl of sugar biscuits, but giving herself a grey, flavourless sludgy protein shake and a Ryvita. Yami didn't expect any less of Tea's weird, over-the-top treatment when he went to her house that evening, either. Deciding to hire a taxi for the evening, Yami prepared to fob her off with some flowers, hoping Tea would be too busy admiring them to bother him all that much.

* * *

Yami sighed, standing outside Tea's front door awkwardly with a massive bunch of pink roses. "Hello?" Tea's sickly voice jolted him out of his thoughts. She peered at him stupidly, and then suddenly frowned. Due to her poor eyesight, she did not notice that it was him. She only noticed the roses. "If it's about that stuffy delivery of English roses, the pink ones, they were meant to arrive last week!" Yami sighed again, feeling more huffy than ever. "Tea, it's not the gardening department store, it's Yami!" "Ohhhh…..I SEE!" Tea giggled. "Sorry, Yami, I must be seeing things (Yami inwardly smirked). "Please, do come inside." "Tea, the taxi's out here. We'll keep them waiting!" Tea surprisingly pouted, and crossed her arms. "And I've got something I want to show you!" "Alright! Fine, have it your way," Yami said, gritting his teeth irritably, shoving the bunch of roses into her arms. "But be _very_ quick!" "Yay!" Tea shrieked, suddenly dragging Yami inside, Yami giving a yelp of surprise. Linking arms with the reluctant Yami, who scowled, Tea yanked him up the stairs into her bedroom, which was covered with pictures of male models and celebrities, posters of famous male rock stars, and the floors not even visible due to the avalanche of huge stuffed animals. "You _still_ haven't proposed to me, so I'm giving you this," Tea said, pouting again, but only for a few seconds, before smiling sickeningly. "'How to Keep Your Relationship in Line.' A manual on how you are _meant_ to seduce me, honeybunch! Use it well, Yami!" She threw the rather heavy book at him, which sent him crashing straight into the mound of awful cuddly toys. Yami nearly drowned in a meteor-shower worth of pastel-coloured teddies. "Someone get me out of here," Yami groaned, as a pink smiling teddy bounced off his head with a squeak. Tea-Land was hell.

* * *

A\N: It's all a bit boring right now. Tea-bashing. Need some in there. (Weeps inconsolably) I'm sorry, you guys, I did promise you Tea-bashing! But please just wait patiently until Chapter Three. Please just wait. It will come then. I have not forgotten. Chapter Three: Tea-bashing haven - the dreaded fairground trip with Tea. (Shudder)


	3. Three Hours of Hell with Tea

Chapter Three: (Three Hours of Hell with Tea)

Tea shoved Yami into the taxi, throwing herself in after him. Even though they both had to have the seatbelts on, Tea tried to snuggle as near up to Yami as she could, Yami trying to back away warily. "She your little sister, Gov?" the friendly taxi driver, Matt (whom Yami had had a taxi ride from the last time he had taken this sort of vehicle) asked him. "No, no," said Yami, trying and failing all over again to wriggle away from Tea's deadly tight, suffocating grasp. "Oh," said Matt, in a disappointed voice. "The way she's trying to hug you, you two look like peas in a pod." He ran his fingers through his bright acid-green Mohican, and drove on.

* * *

"Do I look okay, Yami, honeybunch?" Tea asked Yami. Yami sighed. "You look fine." Well. Fine was one way to put it. She was wearing a blue, extremely fluffy angora jumper, a very short black skirt, diamante earrings, various multi-coloured bangles up and down her arms and black stiletto heels. Yami winced, and turned away, Tea fortunately not noticing either movement as she was watching the merry-go-round go around. "Ooooh…Yay! Yay! Oh! Oh! Hey, Mister! I want to ride one of the pretty horsies, please!" Yami groaned. It was going to be a long night. Tea quickly selected a bright pink horse called Diamond, who had a blue saddle and reins, and his name carefully hand-painted in purple on the side of his bridle. "Cool! He matches!" Yami looked on in disgust. He matches? Just because Tea and Diamond both had the same colour blue on? How sad could you get? On the way off, a man grabbed her shoulder, clearly the 'Mister' Tea had demanded to, when she had first wanted to get on the merry-go-round. "You didn't pay," he growled, clearly very angry. "It's a cent for a ride, y'know." "Whoops! Sorry!" Tea squealed, passing him a cent. She brushed him off, not realising he was angry, and simply walked on to do something else that the fairground had. "Yay! Apple-bobbing! Come on, Yami!" She dashed off towards the owners to pay. Yami sighed, and reluctantly headed after her. "Hi!" Tea squealed. "How much is the apple-bobbing, please?" "Five dollars," a hefty woman grinned, who clearly owned the stall. "You get a maximum of ten goes. Hope you enjoy it, missy! Don't choke on anythin'!" Two minutes later, Yami was watching Tea, as she literally submerged her entire head in one side of the water tank. "Tea, whatever are you doing?" Tea yanked her head back up. She couldn't hear him underwater. "I said, whatever are you doing?"

"Apple-bobbing," Tea simpered, with an almost scary pink-lipsticked grin showing all her teeth. "Want a go?" Yami backed away from her. "No thanks." "Wooooh! Apple-bobbing is fun! Yay! Yay! Eck! Eck! Choking on apples is like friendship! It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside!" That was the end of the apple-bobbing. Because of her partial sight, Tea did not at all notice everyone sniggering at her, and Yami backed away again, just a little more for safety reasons, whilst Tea threw up. "Bleurgh! Yay! Bleurgh! Throwing up is like friendship! It makes you feel all fresh inside!" Walking over to a bucket of water that was meant to be for the large greyhound dog that the apple-bobbing stallholder owned, Tea drunk some of it and plunged her feet in it, standing inside the bucket, and trying to balance it (the bucket) so she wouldn't fall over. "Aaaah! Whose nice idea was it to have a foot spa?" Everyone roared with laughter – at Tea, of course. _How stupid could she be?_ Tea laughed too, unwittingly and stupidly, and suddenly ran off, screaming the lines of 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips.' Everyone still had tears of laughter streaming down their face. Yami sat down and watched Tea disappear in the direction of the fruit machines. Yami sighed and dug out a bag of fluffy, pink candyfloss, and started to eat, happily. What was the worst that could go wrong? His question was answered five minutes later, when Tea dashed out of the fruit machines parlour, screaming for joy. Yami frowned and went over to look at the fruit machines parlour. When he got there, he saw that one of the fruit machines had suffered the 'exploding mattress' effect – the keyboard had sprung off the front and was lying sparking weakly on the floor, whilst there was blisters and holes that made the machine look as if the holes had been punched out from the inside of the frame (the holes were actually caused by heat and the screws popping out), and the whole machine smoked like a dying dragon defeated by a knight in battle. Coming out, he could see Tea being chased by the stallholder of the fruit machines. Tea was merely giggling insanely and running for all she was worth. At last the man gave up and yelled threats at Tea whilst she ran away. Tea came practically sprinting up to Yami, shrieking, "I'VE WON THE JACKPOT!" like a total loony. Yami, his ears still ringing, was barely aware (because Tea's yelling had actually dazed him just a little bit) of Tea shoving the contents of her handbag, filled to bursting point with dollars, new shopping vouchers and cents, under his nose. So that was how the fruit machine broke. It couldn't get any worse than this. It couldn't. To his horror, Tea flung herself on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "Let's go on the swing ride, Yami! Yeah! Come on, you!" Tea gave another sickly sweet, toothy smile, whereupon Yami sighed and yanked Tea off him.

Trust Tea to have replaced all of her missing teeth with diamonds, counting the teeth she had lost chasing him both times. _"Please fasten your seatbelts," _a cool, smooth, recorded female voice said over the loud speaker. _"Ride in progress, now!"_ Yami fastened his seatbelt and frowned at Tea, who hadn't fastened _her_ seatbelt, and then glared at her. _Let her have it,_ he thought wearily. _At least if she gets flung out it'll mean she's away from me for a bit._ Tea hummed the tune that was playing on the swing ride 'It's a Small World.' "Date me?" she smiled, as the ride started. "Like hell," Yami snarled, clasping onto the swing chains attaching it to the ride as they spun around. "You'll love me someday," Tea simpered. "Where's that love manual I gave you to read?" Yami sweatdropped. _Shit._ He'd dumped it in the dumpster at the fairground entrance, when they went in, Tea running off afterwards to the rides and events, Yami binning it and hoping she hadn't noticed. "It's in the taxi." Tea smirked triumphantly. "Marry me, then," Tea laughed, pursing her lips close to his face and trying to reach him to grab onto him. "No!" Yami growled, shoving her hand off his arm. Tea giggled, smirked horribly, and fell off, singing the lines of 'It's a Small World.'

"IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WOORRLD!" She hit the ground yelling that line, but not before soaring a long distance, almost 'flying' over several rides and landing on the other side of the fairground, in the dumpster. Some wasps, who had been inside the dumpster feasting on thrown-away toffee apples and popsicles, angrily set themselves on her and started stinging her, enraged that they had been disturbed. "OW! OW! OUCH! Getting stung is like friendship! It gives you that nice stinging feeling you get when Yami buys you roses!" Yami went over to a section, meanwhile, glad to be rid of Tea for a little while, called 'Star Jukebox.' Boys and girls were singing, sometimes with more than one, sometimes on their own, sometimes playing an instrument, in front of people cheering and clapping at regular intervals. "Hey, Yami-kins! The wasps showed me how much they cared!" Standing in front of him was Tea, covered in swollen angry red bumps, clearly the marks of umpteen wasp stings. "Hey, I'll sing to you!" she said, and dashed onto stage and announced, "Hi, everybody! Please listen, I'd like to sing Hungry Eyes by Eyeopener. Do enjoy! This song's for my boyfriend! But listen! Share the true joy of friendship!" The music started (a DJ in the corner put it on), and everyone cheered, before quieting and beginning to listen. Tea gave Yami an absolutely sickening grin, and started to sing.

I feel the magic

(I feel the magic)

between you and I…..

I've been meaning to tell you

I got this feelin' that won't subside

I look at you and I fantasise

You're mine tonight

Now I've

got you in my sights

[Chorus: A]

With these

hungry eyes

One look at you and I can't disguise

I've got

hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

I've got

hungry eyes

One look at you and I can't disguise

I've got

hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

I feel the magic I feel the magic,

I feel the magic between you and I

Wanna hold you so hear me out

I wanna show you what love's all about

Darlin' tonight

Now I've

got you in my sights

[Chorus: B]

With these

hungry eyes….

"ENOUGH!" the crowd yelled. It had only taken two lines for them to get sick of her sickly sweet, 'mad' shrieking voice, and two seconds later for the glass in all the rides and events to shatter. "Get that slag _off_ the stage!" Throwing used Styrofoam cups, glass alcohol and drinks bottles, popsicles and popcorn at her, they yelled at her very angrily, as she was not only rubbish, but she had broken all the glass in the rides. Tea came down off the stage to Yami, smiling lopsidedly and stupidly, a red popsicle stuck in her hair. "Was I good?" she asked stupidly, grinning at him. "Rubbish," Yami sighed. "Come on, let's get out of here." "What?" "We're going _home."_ "But that's not fair," Tea said, her bottom lip quivering pathetically. "We haven't seen all the rides yet." "Oh for God's sake, you bitch! _You_ broke all the glass _in_ the rides! Come _on._ Let's get _out_ of here." Yami relented, though, looking angrily at her. "Alright. Just one ride, then. _One!"_ Yami waitedby the side of the lucky dip whilst Tea shot the targets, missing every time. Ten minutes later, the man, sick of her losing and ruining his targets with far too many shots, gave her something, before letting Tea head off in the direction of Yami. "_Look!"_ Yami turned impatiently. "The nice guy at the lucky dip stall gave me _this!"_

Tea pointed to a new short-sleeved white crop top she had on, replacing the blue angora jumper and the orange sleeveless top she had first worn on the way in under it. Across the front of her top in a horizontal straight position was the word 'SLAG' in sparkly deep blue lettering. Yami sniggered, and gave an "Ahem." noise to try and desperately stop himself from laughing, before two burly security guards came up, looking angry and dangerous. "Outta here. Now. As for the little missy, considering the rides, and everything else she managed to break, it's lucky she isn't getting a huge fine."

Yami shoved Tea along, albeit _very_ roughly, into the taxi, and closed the doors. "Good night?" Matt asked, finishing off a sandwich. Tea giggled. "Don't ask," Yami groaned. Matt shrugged, and soon, within the next few seconds, the taxi drove off into the night.

* * *

A\N: Yes! It's complete! Finally! Hope you enjoyed the idiotic happenings with our slutty Tea! Kill Tea!


	4. Tea Goes on a Yami Hunt

Chapter Four: (Tea Goes on a Yami Hunt)

Back at his house, all Yami could do was think of the negative – Dr Daniels claiming student pay as a trainee student doctor who was believed to be nineteen, and like any other student with a job, of course, attending a college or a university to get the degree or pass they needed to the job properly. This was not true, as Dr Daniels was basically lying all on accounts of his basic details. The staff and the people who had interviewed him when he was getting the job knew all of this, but they were content to let it slide because of the grades that Dr Daniels had come to them with when he was getting the job. Also, he was twenty-three, going on twenty-four. Tea, who annoyed him every single day, and the accident had only made it ten times worse. His sweet little Yugi, his aibou, his partner, his reason for life, his charge, defending, protecting, helping all kinds of people. Wanting to help people, genuinely. Saving the world many times, like he had used to, even after everything that had happened to him and Yami, though both him and Yami now had completely separate bodies. New enemies, things, people and dilemmas popping up, even though they weren't meant to be there and even when he thought they were all over. Even though him and Yami didn't want them to exist. Problems everywhere. All kinds of different things…

* * *

Yami woke to find himself in a strange, absolutely horrifying new place. Some parody. Of some sort. Wary, he stood up from his position on the ground, which he noticed suddenly, was a giant, absolutely massive stretch of candy-floss-coloured-and textured, fluffy, monstrous, rug. The sky was a horribly sickly lilac colour, patterned with a light paisley design, with a disco ball, hanging in one far corner of the sky, giving off a warm, yellow light, which Yami presumed was the sun. There was trees made of bronze, silver, gold and platinum. Little pink bunnies with fluffy cottonpuff tails hopped around him, sniffing his ankles, and Yami shuddered. This was a true, horrible real-life version of Tea-Land. Well, there was a real, actual Tea-Land back at home – Tea's room, of course, that was the other Tea-Land, as such, but this one was far worse. Much worse than Tea's room Tea-Land. Yami's eyes widened in horror. He had to calm down.

He tried to breathe in some fresh air to waken himself up a little more, so he wouldn't feel so drowsy, but when he did so there was a horrible, overpowering, sickly whiff of flowery perfume. Yami also suddenly noticed there was young, scantily clad girls and boys all around him, all wearing revealing clothing, especially the girls. Some were drinking from various places; ponds where there was endless various drinks bottles that kept floating to the surface, streams and brooks filled with ice-cream soda mixed liquid, a massive fountain producing alcohol and a huge waterfall with a river beneath it, overflowing, with cherry soda. Teddy bears, but these ones looking exactly like the soppy brightly coloured Care Bears, moved around, laughing, playing, hugging people very happily and chasing butterflies. Suddenly, it began raining different-colour lipsticks, and instead of putting up umbrellas, both girls and boys alike cheered, and ran to collect them as if they were freebies and not part of the weather's plans. Just then, Yami humphed, and moved forward onto a jewel-encrusted path similar to the design of the Yellow Brick Road, and prepared to make his escape. He was stopped, however, by the arrival of a litter lined with expensive looking red silk, and a person lolling back on it lazily, not caring about the four people bearing it. "Hey, there," the figure, in shadow, a girl, by the looks of it, said. The voice was clearly intended to be a seductive one, but to Yami, it just sounded a slightly high-pitched one. Rather too girly.

A little too soft. Girly? Oh no. It was Tea. "Tea?" he gasped. Tea pulled herself down off the litter, wearing an off-the-shouldered-sleeved, cleavage-revealing red dress, with a train that covered a little of the ground behind her, a front centre split of the dress revealing a lot of her legs. She also donned a diamond-encrusted, rather oversized crown, and an equally heavy-looking silver choker necklace, as well as black stiletto heels. "Hi, everyone!" Tea squealed, insanely waving at the present company. " All hail her Majesty, the high Game Queen Tea of Tea-Land, now and forever! All hail Tea! Yeah!" they all cheered, raising their glasses. Tea moved toward Yami, a terrifying red-lipsticked smile playing about her lips, intentionally swaying her hips raunchily as she walked towards him. Yami's mind spun with a mixture of horror and confusion. _Game Queen? That didn't mean what he thought she meant, did she? Did she? _"Marry me, Yami," Tea smiled horribly. "Together we will rule this country as man and wife, as a peaceful place, as King and Queen, and share the true joy of friendship!" To his horror, Yami found his legs had rooted themselves to the spot. Tea's lips loomed larger, suddenly, moving in to kiss him on his own lips, and Yami couldn't stop her. He screamed as Tea's lips closed in on him, and left him in a vortex of blackness, spinning down, down, down, down, far into the darkness, and never, never, to return, ever.

* * *

Yami woke up in his bed, panting desperately for air to fill his lungs, to breathe properly once again, in a cold sweat. "Yami!" A gentle hand shook his shoulder. A smaller hand than his own. Yugi? It was Yugi! "Yami? Hey, it's okay. It's okay, there's absolutely no need to be frightened any more. It was just an absolutely terrifying nightmare." "Yugi? Oh Yugi, that was absolutely awful!" "It's okay, Yami. Calm down. It's okay." Yugi said gently. The two had recently fallen in love, and Solomon had accepted their relationship perfectly. Even though they had only been going for a few months, they both loved each other very much. It was hard to believe that they made each other complete, light and dark, like Yin and Yang, Yami and Yugi, but they did. And nothing, nothing, was going to change that. Yami knew he loved Yugi more than he would ever love Tea, because Yugi was gentle, kind, thoughtful and not pushy, whilst Tea was irritating, unthoughtful to others, always urged Yami to marry her, go on a date with her or fall in love with her at the very least, and was also, to top it all off, down right slutty. "Did I scream?" Yami asked his hikari. "Only a little bit. But what was wrong?" "Nothing, Yugi. Go back to sleep. There's nothing wrong, honestly. Just a terrifying nightmare." Yami said very gently, trying to reassure both himself – and Yugi. He kissed Yugi's forehead and lay back in his bed. "Goodnight, Yami," Yugi smiled, before falling asleep. No more nightmares. He was going back to sleep.

* * *

"Wow," said Yugi admiringly. "So she basically destroyed all of the fairground?" "Got it in one, Yugi," Yami sighed wearily. "Full marks. You are right. It wouldn't have worked, though, because the security guards booted us out anyway." "Cheer up." Yugi said kindly. "Focus on something else. It's Red Nose Day, today, you know, Yami." "That weird day where everyone dyes their hair red?" Yami asked suspiciously. "Yes." Yugi nodded. "We could get away with the magenta colour in our hair, though; I suppose that's a sort of red." Just then the doorbell rang. _Bring!_ "Oh Ra," sighed Yami desperately. "It's Tea again, I just know it is." "I'll answer it for you if you like," Yugi said gently to him, noting Yami's state of intense gloom. "Thanks," Yami smiled. Yugi unlocked the door entrance to the Kame Game Shop, and stood back warily. BANG! The door shot open with all the speed and noise of a bullet, and Tea threw herself on Yugi, making him shriek slightly in alarm. "HI YAMI!" "I'm not Yami," poor Yugi squeaked, trying to somehow get out of Tea's suffocating grasp. "Eh?" Tea frowned stupidly. "Then who in the name of God are you?" "Yugi," Yugi said, now struggling to breathe. "Yay! Yami must be through there!" shrieked Tea, dropping Yugi, who gave a yell of pain, and headed pretty randomly through the entrance to the living room. Yugi whimpered, picking himself up and heading to Yami in the kitchen. They were quickly joined by Tea, who could detect Yami like a bloodhound when she felt the need to, but Tea stopped and stared at them, before taking a step forward and falling over on her high heels. "OW!" "Told you she was clumsy," Yugi muttered to Yami. Tea stood up, her already partially restricted vision spinning, and she saw two identical (or almost identical boys to everyone else) boys, before her dizziness slowed and she saw blurry again. "Hey?" Tea frowned moronically. "I'm _still_ seeing two of you! What's _wrong_ with me?" "There _is_ two, you thicko!" Yami answered irritably. "We just look very similar, that's all, Tea. We're Yami _and_ Yugi." "Ooops!" "You can say that again," Yami sighed. "Now come on, we need to do something to you. Come on!" "What?" Tea asked him. "Yeah, what are you planning, Yami?" Yugi said, looking at his yami in confusion. "Something to give us a little bit of privacy," Yami winked slyly. "Trust me, eh?" "Right, Tea," Yami stated, matter-of-factly. "You need red hair to gain access to the events hall in the Comic Relief marquee today, so we'll give you a little bit of help on that one." "Ooooh! Thanks! You two are so kind!" Tea squealed. "We know," Yami smirked. "Yugi, get me the clingfilm, please. I'll sort out the semi-permanent hair dye we need to use!" Heading towards the medicine cabinet, Yami pulled out a bottle called 'Paint Explosion hair dye.

For wacky hair colours only. Colour of this set: Hot pink background with light green polka dots.', before going to get old towels and spreading them around the edge of the sink and removing the mirror completely so Tea wouldn't see the true result. Tea came into the bathroom with Yugi, wearing a towel around her neck so her baby pink floral design, sleeveless, short dress and baby pink high heels wouldn't get splashed. "Got the clingfilm," Yugi said, giving Yami an innocent smile. "Put your head in the sink for us, Tea," Yami smirked evilly, pulling the cap off the hair-dye. Wetting Tea's hair, he proceeded to rub in an ample amount of the hair dye, making sure it covered both the roots and the ends. Rinsing Tea's hair as quickly as possible (after leaving the hair dye on for fifteen minutes), Yami let Yugi dispose of the clingfilm Yugi had put over Tea's hair during the fifteen minutes so that the majority of the colour stayed in, whilst Yami towel-dried Tea's hair quite efficiently and took the towel off her neck. He grinned triumphantly at the results on the towel itself – the exact colour of the hair dye. If that was bad, he _had_ to wait and see what it looked like directly on Tea's hair!

* * *

"Can I see my hair yet?" Tea asked Yami and Yugi suspiciously for the umpteenth time. "No, no, no, no!" the two cried. "You must keep the towel on, just until we get there." Unbeknownst to her, Tea's hair was exactly the shade Yami had wanted it, and her hair had been checked, dried with a very fast hairdryer and brushed out efficiently into her bob, but the colour underneath the towel, obviously, was completely different. At last, within just over the next ten minutes, Yami, Yugi and Tea stopped outside a large marquee, marked 'Red Nose Day! Raise money for those in need!'. There was also a sign leading through the marquee named 'Events Hall', and beyond the entrance itself was the results of such events, cheering, singing, clapping and noises of auctions, among many other noises. "Events Hall, please," Yami said confidently to a small woman with a ketchup red bob of hair styled into tight curls. "You need red hair for that, then," the woman said, looking them up and down. "Still, I suppose magenta is a contender sort of red colour. You also need to pay a small one-dollar entrance fee to go to Comic Relief itself." "Here you go," Yami said, passing her two dollars. "Right. You're in," the woman nodded. "Next!" "Me!" Tea said brightly, stepping forward and removing the towel from her hair. Yami and Yugi had tears of laughter streaming down their cheeks. The woman fought back the urge to smirk, but she herself was clearly struggling. "Sorry. No can do. Only red hair is allowed for you to gain entrance into the Comic Relief events hall, I'm afraid." "Huh?" Tea took her hand mirror out of her already too-full handbag, opened it up, and screamed a high-pitched scream. The glass in the mirror also happened to shatter. Tea looked on in horror at her newly-coloured bob. _What was she going to do? _Her hair had a background of hot pink, covered with light green polka dots. "PLEASE! I've got more than just one dollar, please! Accept it all! Just let me in!" she said desperately, thrusting her overflowing handbag of dollars, new shopping vouchers and cents under the woman's nose. "Sorry, miss. Those are the rules," said the woman, still smirking. Yami and Yugi prepared to get in away from Tea, but were stopped by her hysterical screaming. "NOOOOOOOO!" "Tea, calm down," Yugi said a little worriedly. "I WANT MY YAMI!" Tea shrieked. "Come with us, Missy," a clown grinned. "You might not be allowed in the Events Hall, but you can come with Mr Chuckles." "NO! NO!" Tea shrieked in pure terror and complete hysteria as she was dragged away (by her feet) away from Yami and Yugi, to a tent just next to a patch of grass outside the marquee. "Clowns are _not _like friendship! Save me. SAVE ME, YAMI. Clowns are scary! SAVE ME, YAMI! YAAAAAAMMMMMIIII!"

* * *

After hours of various activities including buying homemade apple cake, plate-smashing to win various prizes, singing silly songs and throwing water balloons at each other, as well as many other things, Yami and Yugi came out of the marquee, soaking wet but happy. "Let's see how Tea did, eh, Yugi?" Yami grinned. "Okay!" Yugi nodded. Stepping inside the clown's tent, they saw Tea with her face painted to look like a clown, with clowns throwing rotten vegetables and water balloons at her, and telling hysterical (we all have different senses of humour) jokes. "Why did Tea look like a smurf when she left the acting studio? Because she had wanted to star in a blue movie! – Why did Tea melt when she died in a fire? Because most of her body had been made by a plastic surgeon anyway! - Knock knock! Who's there knocking on Yami's and Yugi's own door? Nobody! Hey! That's Tea's voice! Nobody (a.k.a. Tea) worth knowing to people like Yami and Yugi! – What's The Abominable Snowman's true identity? Tea Gardner!" They then laughed at Tea and threw her in a small paddling pool filled with rotting custard, face-first. "I want to go home! Clowns are NOT like friendship!" Tea shrieked, crying. "Mirror, mirror, who's the fairest of them all? Tea asks. Certainly not you! (and the mirror makes like Tea's and cracks!) HA HA!" "I want to go home!" Tea shrieked. (Yami and Yugi tried not to smirk. They failed.) "Tell you what, Tea," suggested Yugi kindly. "Let's play 'Hide and Seek' when we get back, okay?" "Okay," Tea sobbed.

* * *

Back at home, Yugi informed Tea, "You've got just one hour to find us. We will be hiding either in the garden or in The Kame Game Shop. Good luck! And goodbye!" "Hey, wait, Yugi!" Tea screeched, but he had already gone off with Yami to hide.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yami and Yugi were busy hiding in the cupboard under the stairs, with confectionary such as Hershey's chocolate and Skittles, as well as a large bag of toffee popcorn and a large packet of cheese & chive crisps. "How's she doing?" Yugi asked Yami. "Fine," Yami replied, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks, as he looked through the keyhole to see Tea wearing a bodiceless pink frilly apron over her tight dress, and a deerstalker hat over her bizarre hair, clutching a notebook and a black biro, presumably to mark down clues. She was also holding a magnifying glass. "But don't you think she's taking it a little bit too seriously?" he asked Yugi, letting him peep through the keyhole at Tea, who was busy dusting the living room window with an old make-up brush and white powder for fingerprints. Yugi shrugged and looked indifferent, moving away from the keyhole and getting a handful of crisps. "Let her have it. It gives us some peace and quiet." "Sssshhh!" Yami said. "Tea's here!" They heard Tea's clumsy, tapping, high-heeled footsteps outside the cupboard under the stairs, and flicked the light off and hid in a far corner of the space, before changing their minds and zipping themselves into an extremely large wheel-along black suitcase, leaving a small hole for sight. Yami shrunk back, as did Yugi, when they saw Tea's eye through the keyhole. "YUUUGGGIII! YAAAMMMIII!" she yelled, nearly deafening the two. "Come out, wherever you are, if you're hiding in here! Come out!" After five minutes of receiving no answer, Tea sighed, before hesitating, and then walking away. "She's gone," Yugi whispered, unzipping them, and pulling both himself and Yami out from inside the tight space of the suitcase. "Thank Ra," Yami grumbled.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Domino City, on the bendy roads, Tea was riding a bicycle, and singing 'Chim Chim Cher-ee' and going too fast.

"Chim chim-in-ey,

Chim chim-in-ey,

Chim chim cher-ee!

When you're with a sweep you're in glad company,

Nowhere is there a more 'appier crew,

Than them wot sings, 'Chim chim cher-ee, chim cher-oo!' "

_One more search and she would give up… _"YAAAAHHHH!" CRASH! SMASH! CLUNK! WHIRRHH!

* * *

"Yami, where's Tea?" said Yugi, quite worried about the annoying Tea. "Don't know," frowned Yami. He did not like to see his aibou in distress. "She could be anywhere." Seeing Yugi's unsettled expression, he relented, and said, "Alright. Give it _one_ hour. If she's not back then, Yugi, we will _have_ to call the police." "Okay?" Yami said softly, gently shaking Yugi's shoulder. Yugi merely nodded, and the next five minutes passed in making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They had climbed out of the cupboard under the stairs fifteen minutes ago when Tea appeared not to be there anymore, and the two did not have any intention hiding anywhere else, as the game ('Hide and Seek') also appeared to be at a complete and utter standstill.

* * *

Ten minutes later, there was a cry of "YAMI!", and Yugi and Yami immediately dashed to the door, upon Tea's return. She grinned stupidly, obviously disorientated. Her deerstalker hat had fallen off at some point earlier, her wacky hair was all over the place, she had lost both high heels, she had a bump on her right temple, bruises all over her body and her apron was scuffed. Also, there was no sign of the notebook or of the biro, let alone the magnifying glass, and the bicycle she had brought back to where it had first been found, was dented, bent the way a human could bend a Coke can, and beyond repair. "I made friends with the cuddly pavement! Oh, yeah! The pavement showed me how much it cared! FRIENDSHIP!" "I think 'Hide and Seek' 's over," Yami sighed wearily to Yugi. "I agree," Yugi nodded. "FRIENDSHIP! Oh, yeah! I love friendship!"

* * *

A\N: We're done! Yet another chapter is up! I laughed when Tea got her hair dyed. Yes, that was funny. It doesn't manage to top the rest of the humour, though. I love Tea-bashing. I love Fanfiction.


End file.
